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If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone. There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids Little Boy Blue Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say?

I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway. When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care Andrew dice clay naked me. Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, Andrew dice clay naked more fingers Andrew dice clay naked get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?

Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story. I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like Andrew dice clay naked of them. By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant.

The parents wonder, "What did I do wrong? You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it. I always wanted to give people the more exciting version of what I think a comedian should be - because I didn't grow up with comics, I grew up with rock 'n' roll.

And when I saw a lot of comics, no matter how good they might have been material-wise, I would get a little bored with them after 10 minutes, only because I feel comedians don't really know performance. Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs.

I don't know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they've become the aggressors. You know? They're upset if you're not balls deep in them Andrew dice clay naked half way through the first date!

They think you don't like them. Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong. I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies. If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl is aggressive. It's just sex. Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance.

There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me. I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life.

I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands. I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance. Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out.

The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make? Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up.

Andrew dice clay naked a nervous excitement. My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny.

They knew I was a good guy. They Andrew dice clay naked my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic. I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic. I'll always push myself because that's the journey Andrew dice clay naked life. We do go through things.

Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad. I like when something makes you think after you Andrew dice clay naked watching. As long as you can walk the street and you know there's a tomorrow, there's always that chance. That's how I've always been. I've always had complete belief that I would make something out of myself again, because to me, it's always been about accomplishment.

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